


And I'll Play Out This Lie Until We're All Dead

by quantum27



Series: a cup of good intentions (tron one shots) [6]
Category: Tron (Movies), Tron - All Media Types, Tron: Betrayal
Genre: Existential Crisis, Gen, Hurt, Mental Health Issues, Poor Life Choices, Short One Shot, THAT's a TAG what, get this man therapy please, is this...a lil bit of a vent? yes. yes it is, it this a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:46:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantum27/pseuds/quantum27
Summary: He should be fine.He isn't.
Series: a cup of good intentions (tron one shots) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872664
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	And I'll Play Out This Lie Until We're All Dead

**Author's Note:**

> ah, title is from the song 'Dirty Imbecile' by The Happy Fits, (yay finding new music,,,) of which could apply to So Many Tron characters but uh, *eyes Flynn* ,,,,yeah

He wants to go home. It's a feeling that's settled deep in his chest. And it had been there for _days._

"I'm already home." He tells himself, the words muffled by the pillow his face is currently half pressed into. It's an empty sentiment. It does nothing to ease the feeling. Instead, it only seems to get worse. 

He's at home. He's put Sam to bed. He should be fine. 

He isn't.

"Why can't I go home?" He pulls at his hair. He is home. This is stupid. He should focus on getting some sleep for once in his User _-no that's not it-_ god-forsaken life. Instead, the feeling just spreads like ice over his entire rib cage.

He's so tired. Maybe if he changed into actual sleepwear instead of leaving his regular render- _no that's not quite right-_ the clothes he'd been wearing all day on. But he can't bring himself to move from the spot. He feels like he's been run over by a lightcycle- _does that get a pass? No, -_ a truck. He’s. Just. So. Tired.

These days he's been pulled so many different directions. Sam needs him as his father. ENCOM needs him as their cash-cow. Alan needs him as a co-worker and friend. The Grid needs him as a leader. The Basics need him to help them get along with The ISOs and vice versa. Tron needs him to help with the onslaught of new gridbug waves, which keep coming back for some glitching reason. Clu needs him for...well, these days Clu's needs aren't as clear to him. But he needs something. ( _If he would just not mince his words for just a single nanosecond-)_

He's not stupid. Trouble is brewing... everywhere, - _ugh_ \- it's not pleasant. He does what he can when he can. But to do it at all he has to plaster on a smile and throw around a smirk or two. Be confident. Be what everyone needs him to be.

Everything else just has to get compartmentalized and pushed aside. He can deal with it later. He _has_ to deal with it later. Right? 

So sure, Tron's worried about a secret plot or something. And Clu thinks the ISOs are the vermin of the Grid. Alan thinks he's just being careless. And Sam thinks he can do no wrong. 

He can only tackle so many issues at a time. He's trying. 

Everything will turn out fine, eventually.

…

It has to.

And if he no longer truly feels at home when the sun hits his face and he instead only wishes to feel the coolness of the Grid it's fine. And when he's in the Grid and all he wants to do is be playing games at the Arcade it's fine. And when he's racking up yet another high score and he finds himself longing for his office at ENCOM it's fine. And when he's there, but all he wants to do is hug his son and never let go it's fine.

Because it has to be.

"I want to go home." He whispers to himself and clutches his pillow tighter. 

But where is home again, exactly? He misses the days when he could say for certain. Now when he thinks of home, he feels nothing, and his thoughts clash. Neon lights mixed with everlasting sunshine. It can't be both though. How did this happen? 

Users - _no don't_ \- this isn't… 

When he feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes he only shuts them tighter closed. 

It's rather easy to put the feeling in a box and shove it to the back of his head. It's what he has to do. What he must do. 

He's lying to himself, of course. He's lying to all of them in some way or another. 

"I'm already home." He repeats to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> pspspspspspspsps, i just need less, 'flynn making bad decisions because he's a dumbass' and more 'flynn making bad decisions because his mental health is poor *and* he's a dumbass' mmmmm
> 
> Gonna be honest when i read betrayal i was a lil dissapointed just because well, they start to go there...and then they don't really commit? It's such a vague way of explaining it, but does anyone have any idea what i mean? :0
> 
> anyway, the feeling of 'being home, but having the need to go home' is something i've enountered more and more lately and i just. uh. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> (i'm also originally posting this heavily sleep deprived...i hope this makes sense, haha)


End file.
